The Secret to Self-Publishing on Amazon is said to be: “You Need to Be A Celebrity To Succeed At Anything”.
This parody is a sarcastic look at how you can be an “overnight” success – by making it impossible for anyone else to succeed as you set the bar astronomically high. Celebrities are after the publicity, not honestly trying to help the “little people” that surround them. (But don’t clue them in, they adore you…)
Learn the 3 Parts to *Real* eBook Publishing
1. How to write a book – real quick, shallow, ghost-written.
2. How to publish your book – hire someone to do it for cheap, like putting their name on the cover.
3. How to sell a book online – using your devoted, Kool-Aid-drinking fan-base to suck-up and give you fake 5-star reviews without having read the book.
Obviously, this is a work of satire and has nothing to do with the real world. And any resemblance to a currently successful bestseller is just a happy coincidence. (Right.)
Solve the Key Factors Which Have Kept You From Publishing Your Book.
* Your life is out of Control because you didn’t devote yourself to learning celebrity-skills.
* You want to get Approval for everything you do – but that’s just the half of it. Find how celebrities can’t live without it, so self-publishing puts “Vanity” back into the name.
* You want to have the Security, but really you need to stick to that day job and leave all the PR to PR Artistes who appear on late night info-mercials to sell over-priced junk.
* And you want to Join the group of successful Independent Authors, but except for a few cheaters who stumble into it by accident, the system is rigged to sell only celebritie’s books (and cute dressed-up-cat-picture books).
Tools you will find inside this guide:
* How to wreck your life and get fired for spending too much time on your book, then falling asleep at work – repeatedly.
* How to ruin your family relationships by getting every relative you know to loan you money and/or write suck-up reviews of your book (and like, and plus, and tweet about it to their friends.)
* Lose any certainty you ever had about how good you are as a writer, because some celebrity comes along with their version of how it “really” works, so no one listens to your advice ever again.
* Discover how a celebrity can suck the air out of a room by just showing up, and how their interviews and PR stunts take the limelight away from struggling unknown indie authors.
* Get access to a Publishing Success Blueprint which will make sure you stick to your day job and never try some wacky creative idea ever again!
* Find how the entire publishing industry deck is still stacked against you, so you might as well never try.
A Personal Word from the Author
I’ve been a celebrity for nearly all my life, ever since I started acting in elementary school plays. Working for big corporations as their front man honed my skills in how to shine on about virtually any product or movie I wanted to weigh in on. So when I found out a “friend” of mine had an “overnight” successful self-published book, I wanted in. And my agent was kind enough to find a ghostwriter so I could. (Me? Write?!?)
In this book I wanted to tell you the truth that no one else will. Maybe 1% of all Indie Authors will ever make it big. The stats are no better than when the Traditional Publishers were running the show. You might as well give up now. That’s the point of this book – to show you the inside world of celebrity, how we can’t stand competition, and why we make it impossible for anyone else to share the spotlight.
Sure, they’ll tell you about “long tail” and other lies just to get your hopes up. Secretly, they just want to take your money that you’ve saved up to get you discouraged with that book which never sells anyway – so you’ll quit and go back to your day job. I’m here to save you all that money (you’re going to wind up broke in retirement anyway) and get you give up trying to self-publish anything before you ruin what’s left of what you call a “life.” Being “little people” is a good thing. Really.
My best advice? Go hire yourself out as a farm hand in Saskatchewan. At least the food is better and it’s honest work.
Get Your Copy Now!